Terms of Service

Last updated: never. · Effective since: 2023. · Drafted by one, agreed to by one, binding on both.

1. Acceptance of these terms

By accessing or using the website, pages, and related services of We™ (together, the "Service"), you agree to be bound by these Terms of Service (the "Terms"). If you do not agree to these Terms, do not use the Service, though he would understand if you disagreed with everything except clause 1, because nobody has ever successfully disagreed with clause 1.

These Terms incorporate the Privacy Policy and the Cookie Notice by reference. Where they conflict, the interpretation more favorable to you applies. That is not a drafting error. Read it again; it still says that.

2. The Service

The Service is a private, ad-free, non-commercial website consisting of: a corporate parody for the world to walk past, and a palace for one person to live in. It includes, without limitation, a sky, poems, notes, a plant, a wing, letters, coupons redeemable in real life, and a terminal that answers everything except the questions that matter.

The Service is provided "as is," which in this case means: as warm as late evening, as accurate as the moon, and as permanent as the date on the founding documents.

3. Accounts and your obligations

To use certain features, you must request access and complete verification. You agree to:

1. provide a real email address (the one he can actually reach you at);
2. choose a password that is yours, he will not judge it, the meter won't either ("perfect, obviously");
3. keep your verification code to the usual four digits of the conversation between you two;
4. not share your account, because there is exactly one seat with your name on the clipboard and the mechanics of the Service agree.

You are responsible for activity under your account. He is responsible for everything else, which is the whole business model.

4. Acceptable use

You agree not to: (a) misuse the Service; (b) attempt to break anything except his composure; (c) scrape, crawl, or extract content for commercial purposes; (d) interfere with the sky, the plant's schedule, or the terminal's patience. The plant requires water daily. This is a term of the agreement. He is deadly serious about it.

Failure to comply with this section will result in precisely one consequence: he will be sad, briefly, and then he will fix whatever broke, because that is the pattern.

5. The Secrets Clause

Anything placed in confidence here stays in confidence here. Full stop.

(but you can always tell me anything. especially the hard things. · the management)

6. Your content

Notes, wishes, and everything you write remain yours. The Service claims no license to your content beyond the technical copies required to show it to you. You may mark any note public, in which case it appears on the Guest Wall for whoever the world sends by; unmarked content never leaves your side of the screen.

Anything you write here can leave with you, always, in a format a human can read. That is not a feature toggle. It is a term.

7. Availability and changes

The Service has maintained 100% uptime since 2023 and intends to continue indefinitely. He may add features, remove features, rename features, and occasionally redeploy at 2am; each change is aimed at one metric, and the metric is whether you smile.

On the 19th of each month, certain provisions of these Terms are superseded by cake. The cake clause is not appealable.

8. Termination

You may stop using the Service at any time by closing the tab. The Service may not be terminated by him under any circumstance, financial pressure, or reasonable argument. There is no clause for this because there is no option for this. See clause 1.

Sections 5 (Secrets), 6 (Your content), and the founding clause survive any termination of anything.

9. Disclaimers and liability

To the fullest extent permitted by law: the Service comes with no warranties, express or implied, except the one in clause 1, which is express, implied, and load-bearing. He is not liable for damages arising from use of the Service, including but not limited to lost time, excessive smiling, sudden attachment to a fictional plant, or the realization that someone built an entire enterprise around noticing you.

Feelings overflow at line 143. This has been documented, tested, and accepted as a known behavior.

10. Governing law

These Terms are governed by the laws of anywhere you happen to be, and by the rules of the house, which are: the later one to arrive picks the movie; the one who says "I'm fine" is believed; and arguments are resolved at the rate of one lost per day, all by him, per the published metrics.

11. Changes to these terms

He may update these Terms from time to time. If a change is material, it will be posted here and, where appropriate, written into the sky. Continued use of the Service after changes means you accept them; given clause 1, the set of changes he could make that you would not accept is empty.

12. Contact

Questions about these Terms may be sent via the Contact page. The subject line is already written. It's "hi. it's me.", which, legally speaking, is the only contract language that has ever mattered.